A Short Story by Zoe Hamer-Lang
Dear children and youth of America,
I assume you, like other children and
youth, have a fondness for Haribo Gummi Bears.
Well it’s about time you knew about what you are really eating. I suppose the
best way to start is from the beginning.
Be prepared. This will not be a
pretty story.
I was sitting quietly in my room
trying to work on my math homework. Nine
to the second power, times four, to the twelfth power subtracted by 68 and the
sum of 25 plus….blah blah blah...
Needless to say, I was open to a distraction. In fact, I was half asleep when I heard the
singing, a soprano chorus of small voices coming from the drawer in my bedroom
dresser. I walked across my room to my dresser and cautiously opened the door.
There was nothing in the door besides a package of Gummi bears. The singing grew
louder as I picked up the Gummi bear package, could it be… the Gummi bears that
were singing? My cat woke from her five-hour slumber and perked her ears. The
package of Haribo Gummi bears shifted in my hand. I gasped and dropped them on
the floor. From the floor a Gummi bear spoke from inside the bag.
“Do not be afraid,” it said in barely a whisper. “We just
want your help.”
Breathlessly, I gulped and said, “What can I do for you?”
Then the Gummi bears told me their story.
In 1922 the
Gummi bear mother ship landed on Earth. Yes, that’s right, that tasty, chewy,
artificially flavored, crude excuse for a bear are actually Gummies. They are aliens from the planet GumYum. They looked just like the Gummi Bears that you
find packaged and sold globally, except in their natural form they are transparent,
practically invisible. But I digress….their
mothership landed by the infamous food coloring factory owned by Mr. Hans
Riegel. Mr. Riegel heard them singing
from their crashed ship. Feeling sorry
from the frightened Gummies, he brought them to his factory so that they would
be safe. One day, Mr. Reigel was walking
by a vat of Red Dye 40 with a handful of his tiny new friends in his
hands. He was simply giving them a
personal tour of his business. He accidentally
dropped one of the Gummies into the Red Dye 40.
His shock and fear soon transformed into elation and joy. The transparent Gummi popped up from the Red
Dye 40 vat and was now a vibrant red.
But in addition, it had reproduced several hundred Gummies that were
varied colors such as yellow, green, and orange.
Mr. Riegel realized that if you
drop a Gummi into a vat of Red Dye 40 then they reproduce other Gummies. However, that is just the beginning. The Red Dye 40 also inhibited Gummi movement,
even though they were clearly alive, it was as if they were in a coma, unable
to move their limbs or communicate with their lyrical voices. Soon after this discovery, a worker in Mr.
Riegel’s plant happened by the immobilized Gummies. Thinking that they were a new candy that Mr.
Riegal was going to sell, popped one into his mouth. He was overwhelmed with
subtle sweetness of the Gummies and tried each color. Each color had its own unique flavor and he
recognized the raspberry, orange, strawberry, pineapple, and lemon. He pocketed a few and shared them with his
children and later shared their excitement for more of the “candies” with Mr.
Riegel. Mr. Riegel saw dollars signs
dancing around the room and a giant grin beamed across his face.
You can figure out the rest. What you probably don’t want to think about
is that those Gummi Bears that you are eating…yes you, they are actually
alive. If you let them sit for a month
unopened, the effect of the Red Dye will disappear. What you probably also do not know is that
that those very few “white” Gummies that are in your package are nearly back to
their normal state. They are the
sweetest when they are in this state and you will have to fight your instinct
and desire to consume them. But stop
yourself! Leave them alone for a week and
you will see. You too will hear their
lyrical calls for help. Stop the
madness. Stop the evil. Save the Gummies.
Sincerely, a friend
of the Gummi
ummmmmmmmmm...seriously?
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